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Writing and Mothering: Updated
I’ve been meaning to update my ‘writing and mothering’ section for the last . . . um, year, now? Ever since Vivi was born, really. That I’m only just now finding the time tells you that yes, indeed, 2 kids is a whole ‘nother world. I’ll add this as an actual page to my site, but I thought it was worth posting here, as well: Writing and Mothering: Version 2.0
When I wrote the ‘writing and mothering’ section of this site, Bella was under two and an only child. Now she’s three and a half, and a big sister to Vivienne, who will be one at the end of the summer. Time for an update!
In some ways, writing with 2 small children home with me full-time is not so different from writing with just one. Schedules are good. Strict daily word count goals are good. A willingness to live in a house that gets vacuumed . . . oh, you don’t even want to KNOW how not-often I vacuum. But a willingness to accept that I just can’t do it all is still very, very good. And yet, reading over what I wrote nearly 2 years ago, I’d kind of like to go back in time and pat myself on the head as say, Oh, honey, if you think you are busy now . . .
I still have the best husband ever. In fact, he may actually now be BETTER than the best husband ever. There’s absolutely no way I’d be able to write the books I do without him partnering me in the child-raising as much as he does. I do still get up early–ideally before both kids. Although that’s kind of hit or miss these days, because the baby has this sixth sense of when I’m up and if I get up an hour early, she pops up, too. I do make sure to give each of my girls special mommy and me time every day. And I’m very strict with myself about getting in 1000 words every day, if it is at all possible. But with the two kids and the tiny nursing baby I’ve had all this year, plus the ‘business’ side of the job like answering e-mails to my publicist, giving interviews, etc. . . I’ve had to accept that sometimes 1000 words is just flat out not going to be possible. And that’s okay, as long as I’ve given it my best shot, I save the file and tell myself tomorrow is another day.
I guess the bottom line is that writing and mothering is always going to be a juggling act, a tricky balance to pull off. Does that help? My webmaster husband tells me that a fair number of people find my site through a google search for ‘writing and mothering’ or something like that. And I wish I had some sort of miracle strategy to offer that would make it easier. But maybe that’s the best I can offer–permission to find it hard. If you are a fellow writing mama, here is a big high five/hug/groan of sympathy for you, because what you’re trying to do is HARD, no doubt about it.
I read an interview with another writer who said, “I’d rather fail as a writer than as a wife and mother.” And of COURSE, I feel that way, too, don’t even have to think about it for a nanosecond. But here’s the thing–if I’m not writing at least a little bit I feel like I WILL fail as a wife and mother. My sweet girls need a mother who is happy and relaxed and fulfilled. How can I not write, when writing helps me so much to be the mother they deserve?
And it’s not forever. Ages and stages. That’s something else I tell myself often. I will always be able to write more books, but I will not always have a baby and a toddler in my life. They’re going to be grown before I know it, and I don’t want to wake up one day and realize that I missed it or didn’t enjoy it at all because I was always trying frantically to cram writing time in.
And at the end of the day, I’m still so, so incredibly lucky. I have my dream babies and my dream job and a husband who supports me 100%. Surely only a ridiculously demanding person could ask for time to go to the bathroom during the day on top of all that. (Just kidding. Sort of).
This entry was posted Saturday, August 7th, 2010 at 11:10 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.
2 Responses to “Writing and Mothering: Updated”
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August 7th, 2010 at 11:22 am
“But here’s the thing–if I’m not writing at least a little bit I feel like I WILL fail as a wife and mother.”
Yes, yes and yes. I’m on infant #1 (and only), and it’s a constant renegotiating of expectations and schedules. As soon as I’m in a groove of writing during his morning naps, he starts switching to afternoon naps or no naps at all. But the joy of motherhood seems to infuse everything – including writing – with a newfound purpose.
And, like you, I wouldn’t be able to be a sane wife/mother – let alone person – if I weren’t writing. It grounds me and connects me to something outside the myopia of new motherhood.
August 7th, 2010 at 11:58 am
Miriam, that’s an excellent point and one I should add–flexibility is key. Schedules are great, but kids are always growing and changing and you have to be willing and able to adapt. Thanks for stopping by and good luck to you with the writing! And hi to your little guy!